Fear.

Shandi-lee Cox via Compfight

Simply put, I am afraid, and I’ve been so very afraid for a long time. For so much of my life I have been afraid of failure, rejection, being made fun of, and all the other negative cliches that go on that list of things that hold us back from living a passionate and full life God desires to berth in us. I’ve let myself become so distorted that I even started to become afraid of success. I became convinced that if I actually was able to succeed in any of these crazy dreams that I would just lose them somehow. Something would happen. Someone would take it away.

Here’s the saddest part: I robbed myself of these dreams before they even saw the light of day. By waiting for something to improve, for a better time, for better circumstances, by trying to control every little piece of the situation I quit before I ever started.

I read a post on Don Miller’s blog about moving through fear and it speaks volumes to this situation. So please let me come clean. I’ve been working on changes to this site, to my life, to my vision and my understanding of “calling” both in my life and others’. I left a part time job to embrace being self employed and the hope that this is where God is leading me. I’m scared people will ridicule me for doing it. I’m scared I’ll go broke. Heck, I’m scared that my girlfriend who has been the most supportive person in this effort will suddenly change her mind and leave me.

But there’s something else.

I’ve been saying this for a while here on my blog, but let me say it again. I’ve tasted freedom. I’ve caught a glimpse of the full and abundant life Jesus talked about in John, and I’ve been ruined. Join me in this adventure of discovering what God has placed in us and learning how to use it to manifest His Kingdom on Earth. We can love life into people. We can make an ugly world more beautiful.

Has God been inviting you to live your dreams out in the waking world? Sound off in the comments below.

They’re people, just like you. People who dared to dream and then pursued those dreams with everything in them until they got there.Okay… they’re not just like me. They’re way more athletic. Baseball is NOT my gifting, but the principle remains. They had a dream, and they chased that dream with everything in them until they got there.

“They DREAMED,” I thought to myself. “Have I forgotten how to dream?”

Have you?

I turned around slowly, taking in the stadium. It took my back to my days in Little League. Those days where every play in practice was the bottom of the 9th and you were the winning run coming to the plate. The concepts I had be introduced to at Don Miller’s Storyline conference resurfaced with a vengeance.  I renewed my vow to not settle for being average or mediocre. I would continue working toward defining my goals and working out a plan to get there.

This post is a public declaration of that goal and process. Here’s a couple practical things I’m doing. I’m going to finish the modules from the Storyline conference. This will help me to define the roles I play in life and how I want to see those roles play out. I am also starting Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover. I’m tired of living paycheck to paycheck, and I’m tired of being a slave to the debt of my past bad decision making.

In short, I’m going to start letting myself dream again. Only it won’t stop there. As I begin to understand better who God has made me to be and what He has gifted me to do, I am going to chase those dreams down with everything in me. And when I get to whatever my equivalent is for warming up on the mound in front of thousands of fans thinking how incredible it all is, I’ll be able to look back and remember this:

It all started with a dream.

What did you dream about when you were young? Do you still dream today?

There are many reasons that we praise God through music. I like to tell my church that we sing to remind ourselves of who God is and what He has done – specifically through salvation history. When we sing to tell the Story of our saving God, we join with generations upon generations that have gone before us doing the same. David composed songs of his God in the Psalms. Moses had the nation of Israel sing to God when they had crossed the red sea specifically to commemorate that moment. Even Paul urges us in Ephesian 5 to “be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing songs, hymns, and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts.” It’s an amazing happening that music can be both a gift from and to God. Even more amazing is that He would choose to enter into the process and meet with His creation there.

We were created in a way that makes music intrinsically special to us. It uses different parts of the brain than regular speech does. This is why people who stutter when they talk can sing without one. This is why we feel music. Whether we’re somewhere sacred or secular, we were created to be this way. God ordained that music would matter, so it is any wonder that cultures have used music (prose, verse, chant, etc.) to teach their young for centuries? This is how the Jews learned the Torah after all. The music we do in church should always point back to who God is and what He has done because it stays with us in ways sermons just can’t. If our music doesn’t re-orient us back to community with the Trinity, it has failed and missed the mark. When we engage in this process of remembering, we move beyond our moment in time – whatever that may be looking like – and embrace the eternal glory and presence of our loving Savior. It was, is, and always will be about Him, but in His rich love and mercy He receives our offering and reminds us that while it really is for Him, He did it for us. Re-orientation is a natural byproduct of this interaction. Community between humanity and Trinity should always be offered and reinforced. To bring anything less to those we serve (our congregations and our Lord) would be to completely miss the point, and when that happens, everyone loses.

What are your favorite songs you’re singing in church, and what are they teaching you about who God is and/or what He has done for the world?

Two months ago I put in my notice at my old job. It was an incredible feeling. I was leaving Apple for the third time, and just like the other two times I was leaving to pursue something that lined up more with my passion and calling. I was so convinced that I God was leading me to write more – blog more, to write music, to be creative for His Kingdom. It was going to be awesome, nay, it was going to be legend – wait for it – dary! It was so clear that God was up to something, that He was opening all these amazing doors for me to walk through. Chances to lead worship were opening up. I have been given the opportunity to speak at a spring break camp and to do a four week series on living in the Kingdom. A job that paid better and had better hours basically fell into my lap! Holy crap, was God good to me! I couldn’t wait for February first to get here. No more would I be leaving work drained after hours of being on my feet in retail. No longer would I work 50+ hour weeks between my job at the church and my job in retail. And come February first did. And then I did nothing.

You see, in my head I understand and believe that God is who He says He is. I understand and believe that God is Love – Perfect Love. I consistently teach and remind people that Jesus passionately loves them and that absolutely NOTHING can separate them from His love. I believe. In my heart, however, I am convinced that I suck, that I’m stupid, ugly, and completely replaceable. So yeah, I believe… At least I want to.

I REALLY want to.

I want to wake up every day happy to be me. I want to look in the mirror and see God’s beloved, not that loser guy who is struggling with this, that, and some other thing that he’ll never ever be free of. I want to fully know what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 11 when He said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” That kind of life sounds amazing, but you know what? I’m not quite there. Nope. Instead, I’m a lot more like this other guy you might have heard about in Mark 9. I get that guy. He’s heard all these awesome stories of what Jesus has done. He probably understands that Jesus is the only hope for his kid being healed. He’s standing right in front of Jesus – God in a bod – and he STILL says, “Have mercy on us and help us, if you can (bold added for emphasis).” I get that. I identify with this guy even more a minute or so later when he tells Jesus, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”

I know there are a lot of truths we can draw from this story, but I’d like to focus on just one. This story reminds me that I am not alone in my struggle to live like I believe Jesus is who He says He is. If your struggle with depression, low self esteem, poor self confidence, anxiety, or any one of the number of issues that showers you with lies has kept you from walking in the freedom and healing that Jesus freely offers, you’re not alone. It’s really hard sometimes to walk the path that God has placed before us. Fear has a way of gripping our chest and stealing the breath from our lungs. But our God is bigger. His love is greater. There is rest for those who will cast their cares upon him. And that rest gives us the means to strike out as Kingdom builders – people walking, in faith, the paths that God has laid our for them. Even if it does take a couple months.

A few months ago when I started writing, one friend in particular was very encouraging to me. I joked with her that one day I would write a post about her. I don’t think she believed me, but today is that day. This will be the first post of many where I showcase one of my friends, who they are to me, and how they have helped shape me into the person I am.

I met Chelsea a couple summers ago while helping lead a houseboat trip to Lake Shasta with the church where I was interning. Sonshine, the ministry we partnered with, assigned each boat two leaders from their program along with the leaders we brought. Chelsea was assigned to the girl’s boat, and it was amazing how quickly she bonded with our girls. She was a shining example of what it looks like to serve others before oneself. She loved those girls in a matter of minutes, and if that was the only interaction Chelsea and I had my life would have been better for it.

That summer, however, was not the only time our paths would cross.

After my time interning I took a job as a full time youth and music pastor. I still was close with my former boss, Dan (another friend who has had a profound impact on who I am today), so when it came time to pick that year’s interns I was lucky enough to be part of the conversation. It was only a mild surprise when I was told that Chelsea had applied to be an intern that year, and even less of a surprise when Dan told me that she was selected. She was an amazing intern for the church, and I could go on and on about how she loved the youth of the church that summer. What really impacted me, though, was that she took the time to care for me. You see, just a few weeks before she arrived I was informed that I would be leaving the church I had served at for the past nine months.

I was crushed. I felt betrayed. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to work in ministry ever again, but Dan swooped on my newfound availability and made sure I didn’t forsake my calling. I worked side by side with Dan and Chelsea for about two months that summer, and there was not a day that went by where I was not encouraged by Chelsea. She pushed me to try new music, stay out a little later, and generally be more fun. She showed me the love of Jesus in ways I didn’t know I needed. There were many late night conversations over In-N-Out (the greatest burger chain in the US of A for those of who you don’t live on the West Coast) where I opened up about my desires to teach, to write music, to blog, and to be more open and radical about my faith. In a few instances, she was the first person to hear these thoughts and desires, and not once did she laugh or scoff. Instead she would look across the table with her perceiving gaze, her calm and gentle confidence, and she would tell me that not only were my dreams valid and attainable, but that she believed I was destined for ever greater things. That’s the kind of person Chelsea is, and I count myself blessed to be considered a friend.

How do you even respond to that kind of support and encouragement?

You find the courage to start trusting in Jesus. You take a step, even if it’s just a baby step, toward your dreams. You purchase a web domain and start a blog, even if you’re afraid it’s going to suck and no one will ever read it.

Then you write a post about a friend who has never done anything else but believe that you are perfect just how God made you, that He will bring you to a place where you will find perfect love and peace in life, and hope that others will be inspired to be that friend in the lives of others.

I previously mentioned that I work in a retail setting. Because of this I often see and experience the front lines of the Christmas craziness. We all have things we need to do, parties to attend, gifts to buy, and there’s never really enough time to make it all happen. All this hustle and bustle can leave us mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. We get sick, resentful, basically anything that is the opposite of the joy we’re supposed to be experiencing. The funny thing is that while we’re out there going crazy trying to buy gifts for someone, they’re probably somewhere else experiencing the same level of craziness and irritation. How did we get to this point? What happened to just looking forward to spending time with our loved ones? When did it become a season of lavish spending, gaudy gift giving, and this over all sense of bigger and better? If you’re at all like me, and you want to actually enjoy Christmas, to thrive and not just survive, here are three keys to help you get there this year.

Key 1: Refocus

I’m convinced we tend to focus on the wrong things. Christmas was once about celebrating the birth of Jesus, God’s Salvation for mankind. He loved us so much that He sent us the most amazing gift of all: Himself to be the ransom for all. Many of our Christmas traditions have ties to this magnificent, world changing event, but we’ve lost sight of why Christmas matters. This year, when you’re at the store (or maybe stuck in the parking garage just trying to get into the store) feeling overwhelmed, rundown, and ready to give up, remember that this is not why we do Christmas. Shift you focus from presents which are just things in boxes that will one day break and be gone to the true gift of presence – God’s presence in our lives and our presence in the lives of others.

Key 2: Reach Out

In the spirit of refocusing, consider reaching out to those less fortunate this Christmas. I’ve never had to experience a Christmas where we didn’t have some sweet presents under the tree, let alone the fear of not having enough food on that day, but there are hundreds (maybe thousands) of families in our own country that will be going through that this year. Please consider partnering with local churches, organizations like the Salvation Army, or your local city government to help those who really need it. I can’t think of a better way to experience the true spirit of Christmas than to be an extension of God’s grace and provision in the life of someone else. Be sure to get your family involved if you can. Some of the most defining moments in my life center around serving people who had less – much, much less – than I did.

Key 3: Rest

Another potential issue with the holiday season is there is just so much to do. I want to remind you that you don’t have to say yes to everything. It’s okay to not go to every tree lighting, every Christmas play, or every party. Be honored that people enjoy your company and want to have you around. Pick the events that really matter to you (and possibly your significant other), and go to those. Just remember to RSVP either way, people put a lot of work into these events. Remember that you’re only as fun as you are healthy, so try to stay that way.

I hope these three keys are helpful in you thriving this Christmas season instead of just surviving. If you have anything to add, or would like to share how you and your family will be applying any part of this message, please sound off in the comments.

Advent also happens to coincide with my least favorite time of the year: The holiday shopping season. I work in a retail environment, so it’s really easy to be overwhelmed by the craziness of people rushing in and out of the store in what is often a frenzied dance of searching, grabbing, and trying to buy that perfect gift for their husband, wife, child, baby sitter, or even their second cousin’s friend. Sometimes they pick up extra gift cards just in case there’s someone they forgot about.

Is this really what Advent, what the Christmas season, is supposed to be about? No. It’s not. In a culture that is largely focused on the commercial aspects of the holiday season, is there anything that we can do to bring the focus back to Jesus, His life, and His sacrifice for the world? I would say that yes, you can, and you don’t have to walk around downtown holding one of those “Put Christ back in X-Mas” signs, because, let’s be honest, those aren’t really helping either.

One really easy way is to take the focus off of ourselves and the stress we’re feeling, and instead focus our attention to those who are really struggling right now. What if we were to team up with our friends and loved ones to adopt a family, volunteer at a homeless shelter, or work at a soup kitchen this Christmas season? One really cool thing that my work did was to adopt a family in the area. It’s just a small way to give back, but it is so meaningful. It reminds me that Christmas isn’t about me or the things I want. The other amazing thing is that by taking my time and resources to help someone else, I feel better. Through this giving I catch a glimpse Jesus’ heart for the world, a heart that overflowed with love to the point of giving everything. I find the reason for Christmas, for Advent, all over again.

Are you feeling stressed and stretched thin already this Christmas season? You’re not alone. I would encourage you to take a deep breath, refocus your energies on Jesus, and ask Him to direct you to people or an organization that you can partner with to bring Christmas and God’s love to someone who otherwise may not experience those things this year.

But there wasn’t silence.

In fact, there was pretty much everything except silence.  There were other people at this lake-side park talking and laughing.  The sound of chainsaws and hammers resounded from some construction work being done nearby.  There was even the repeated splashing of a dog chasing a stick being thrown into the water by its owner.  Over.  And over.  And over again.  The audacity of these people!  I was so irritated by their obvious disregard for what God was trying to do in this moment.

And then it hit me.  What if it’s not about me?  Just as quickly as my disgust has flashed through my fallen mind I was slammed by another thought: What if hearing these people is the point of the silence?  What if I’m being quite so that I can actually HEAR the people around me?  Could it be that God is using this exact moment to remind me that there are other people out there?

I began to wonder if I had lost track of one of the purposes of the disciplines.  We do them to create a space to meet with God, but is it ever really just about me and God?  My time with Him, His presence in my life, should be moving me to actions for His people.  If it isn’t, have I not just removed God from the center and placed myself where He belongs?  The silence, as with anything else we are doing for our Lord, is not for us.  It is for Him to do with as He pleases.  It was never about me, and if I’m not seeing that I am missing the point.

“I feel sad, depressed, jealous, or whatever when I don’t get a lot of ‘Likes’ on myphoto or when someone else gets way more Likes than me. Honestly, I’m not surethat parents realize how drastically it affects our self-image and confidence. If I see apicture of a really pretty girl, it’s like ‘Goodbye self-esteem.’  It forces me to competeand do stuff that I don’t want to do, so my confidence will get a boost.”

via 10 things you don’t know about teens and social networking – Parenting on Shine.

It’s a good read and very interesting.  It continues on with more examples of how social networking is negatively affecting the psychological and social development of young people.  As a former youth pastor and current youth worship leader, I can personally attest to the stress and social pressure that comes from these sites in the lives of my students.  The issue is also much broader than self-esteem and social pressure.  We’re seeing a culture shift that is taking us away from truly knowing people to a place where we instead only know about people.  This is not God’s plan for His people.

God has made it clear through history that He desires to know us and be in relationship with us, and that this is a model of how we should interact with one another.  The Christian life is a life that is to be lived in community.  It’s supposed to be a story of people doing life together, of people who really know and let themselves be known by one another.  It’s a life of vulnerability, love, compassion, and unity.  Social networks can enhance this by bridging distances.  They can also be used to reach out to others or recount our stories of doing life together through groups and photo albums.  When sites like Facebook and Twitter are used in conjunction with real life they are very useful and fun.  What we’re seeing, however, is that these sites are creeping in and becoming substitutions for real interaction with real people.  They’re becoming the new “reality”.  It’s not about what you experience.  It’s about how others view and interpret your experience online.  This is not living.  This is not the abundant life that Jesus wants for his followers.

Relationships are rooted in shared experiences.  It’s not just about going to the mall.  It’s about those conversations we have with people while we are trying on clothes, browsing the music store, and playing around in the $1 section of Target.  I grew up understanding that my friends were the people who came to my sleepovers, the people I got lost with while driving somewhere new, the people I talked to about the movie we just saw.  Now I’m seeing friendship being measured by how many times you “like” something and comment on it.

As culture is shifting to this false knowing, this fake community, it is imperative that we fight this trend.  Don’t settle to just know about someone, truly know them.  We must be a people that chooses community, truly knowing God and His people instead of being complacent and content with simply knowing about them.  Let us be a people that chooses to know and be known.

Love the LORD your God

This tends to be the most straightforward.  Jesus’ audience definitely understood the call to serve God with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength as a call to love and serve their LORD with everything that is within them.  God never was interested in partial submission or worship.  He is to be LORD over our lives and nothing less.  Are we doing all things out of love for Him and for His glory?  If not, what needs to be changed?

Love yourself

In order to address loving our neighbor, we must first deal with loving ourselves.  This aspect is almost always the most overlooked.  Many falsely believe that Christianity is a religion that calls us to hate or neglect ourselves when it is actually quite the opposite.  We are to love ourselves and take care of ourselves.  When we are hungry, we should eat.  When we are sick, we should get proper care.  People who love themselves do not intentionally hurt themselves whether it be physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  Is there something in your life that you need to do?  Maybe something you need to stop doing?  If so, please talk to God and a good friend about it.  We must first learn how to properly care for ourselves in order to accomplish the third and last part.

Love your neighbor (as yourself)

I honestly believe that many of us struggle with this part because we have not learned to do the previous part.  When I am sick, I know that I should rest, drink plenty of fluids, and all the other fun things associated with being sick.  If I am to love my neighbor in the same manner, I will do something to care for their need.  Sometimes I will pray.  Other times it makes more sense to do something practical or tangible.  Maybe you pray AND do something practical.  There are so many way to live this out.  It can be as simple as walking a sick neighbor’s dog or bringing them a meal.  It could be as big as working to start a homeless or counseling ministry in your community.  It could even be bigger.

What is something you can start doing today to better love God, yourself, or those around you?